Who Am I Becoming?

Farewell, Summer; Farewell, Blog

2010-09-01T14:36:00.006-04:00

Last Wednesday was our final regular post for our first summer blog. We enjoyed the challenge of getting it ready every week, but we're ready for a change of pace as we settle into our fall schedules and become involved in other ministries. It's been fun to exchange ideas with one another and work together to provide thought-provoking articles that would encourage you in your walk with the Lord during the leisurely (at least in theory) summer days.

While we take a break from blogging, we want to turn our attention to writing. An informal group is just getting started, and if you are interested in developing your writing skills, we invite you to join us. Writers of all genres are welcome: fiction, nonfiction, interviews, memoir or spiritual autobiography, devotional, inspirational, children.

We want to provide a blend of encouragement, feedback, instruction, information, and accountability.

We will be meeting at 10 a.m. on Wednesday, September 22, at Schuler Books on 28th Street.

If you would like to come, or are interested in more details, contact Julie Link via e-mail (JulieALink@aol.com) or by phone (554.1596). If you decide to come, please let Julie know so they will know how many tables to set up.

Thanks to everyone who participated in our summer blog:

Margie Brady
Karen DeVries
Lorie Dewey
Angela Klinske
Teresa Lasher
Julie Link
Elaine Lohroff
Sarah Merrill
Jackie Rice
Dawnae Richards

Becoming His

2010-08-25T18:44:00.003-04:00

Jackie Rice

You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. —1 Peter 2:9

To the people at church, I’m dependable. I pretty much always say yes, no matter how stressed out I feel at the time. I am pleasant; I try incredibly hard to anticipate needs and strive never to fail.

To my family, I’m the good girl. For as long as I can remember, I’ve focused on doing the right thing. It’s clear though, that I am not perfect.

To my friends, I say yes too much. I’ve made too many choices based on what seemed right at the time. I’m not always honest with them or with myself, because the truth can be painful and I have a low tolerance for pain.

I’m the girl who reads a lot but probably watches TV more; the one who has you over for dinner and doesn’t let you bring a thing; the girl with the answers and the plan; the one who freezes summer vegetables because the idea, not so much the act, of domesticity is appealing.

Sometimes I think I need community because I don’t know who I am without it. My identity is entangled in the mess of things I do. If I say “no,” or “I can’t,” or if I stop “doing” long enough, would I hear God's voice? Would I know He was there but still not know who I am?

More and more, I find myself asking, Why do I do all these things? How did I get to this place? Who is this person? If this line of questions seems a tad dramatic, understand that I’m building a story—a story of a girl searching for identity and wondering why it’s more often found in the eyes of her “people” than the eyes of her Savior.

In my head, I know I want to be a child of the King, a disciple of my Savior. Yet my heart wanders, continuing to search for ways to be the dependable girl, the strong girl, the in-control girl. It’s a constant battle between head and heart.
Perhaps I am afraid—afraid to let God reveal who I am; afraid to be who He calls me to be; afraid of what it means to be completely, entirely sold out, hands empty, without the reins to hold onto.

Who am I becoming? As fall approaches, it seems as if a new year is beginning. The temptation to be more, to do more, is ever present. This time around, I resolve to do less and be more. I resolve to please God and not other humans. I resolve to relinquish what I want to be so that I can become who I am at my very core—His. Will you join me?

Becoming Solitary: Alone with God

2010-08-18T20:25:00.003-04:00

Karen DeVries

At the end of a Sunday service, I noticed a woman sitting alone. As others filed out smiling and greeting one another, she sat with her head down, looking sad and tired. Then I overheard a woman nearby ask her husband to wait. He gave a knowing nod, and off she went to sit beside the lonely woman.

A few months later, I sat in a crowded row in the same general area of the sanctuary. I stood with everyone to sing. Then I sat with my Bible open like everyone else. But I remembered that isolated woman, and that day, despite being squished in the pew, I felt her loneliness.

Thinking I was just tired, I urged myself to change my attitude. There seemed to be no logical reason for my feelings of being alone.

Alone can be a scary place. I’ve heard warnings about the dangers of turning inward, especially at difficult times. Yet that morning I left church with the distinct notion that God intended for me to be alone—not away from others so much as alone with Him more.

I consciously choose not to fear being alone. It would be okay to study the Bible outside of a Bible Study; to call on God instead of picking up the phone to talk with a friend; to sit on the porch instead of in front of the TV; to walk in the woods instead of in the neighborhood. Solitude would even be okay in a church filled with people.

At first, the quiet took some getting used to. I like good conversation and the background noise of TV. But after a while, I could hear the gentle voice of my perfect Father speaking to me. Not like in the Moses movies. Not like a telephone chat with a friend. But more like a whisper from the leaves in the trees persuading me to draw my eyes up to the hills (Psalm 121), to the heavens, to see above and beyond frustrating situations. I knew that God was calling me to be alone with Him and to make myself known to Him. I wasn’t to isolate myself from others, but I was to seek His voice above all others.

At the time, I didn’t understand why God would not give me peace about being involved outside my home as a Bible Study leader or a school volunteer. But looking back, I see that I needed that “alone” time to make necessary adjustments and important decisions regarding our family. The peace God gave me came from being quiet and living more simply.

In reciting Israel's history, Moses said this about the patriarch Jacob: “The Lord alone led him; no foreign god was with him” (Deuteronomy 32:12).

“Foreign gods“ in the form of busyness or seeking human advice could have distracted me from God's direction. I am grateful that He taught me to be alone with Him so that He alone could lead me.

Do you need to accept a time of solitude so that God can show you the direction He wants you to go?

Becoming Hospitable

2010-08-11T19:41:00.002-04:00

Julie Ackerman Link

Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. —Hebrews 13:2

“I didn't realize until today that Mom's spiritual gift was hospitality,” said Jamie DeBruyn. Jamie made this comment to me at the luncheon following her mother's memorial service.

Over the years, Jay and I have been privileged to enjoy the hospitality of Ed and Nancy DeBruyn at their cottage on Big Star Lake. Whenever Jay was asked to sing at the chapel there, Ed and Nancy graciously opened their home and invited us to stay with them. Even when Nancy was sick due to the nasty effects of chemotherapy, she continued to welcome us and many others to their home.

Last spring, Nancy came to the end of her long battle against cancer, and God relieved her from her suffering. At her memorial service, everyone who spoke told stories about Nancy's ability to make even strangers feel like family. Although Ed and Nancy have only one child, Jamie, they have a cottage that has room to sleep 22 people. Need I say more about their attitude toward guests? After Jamie made the comment about realizing for the first time her mother's spiritual gift, she added, “She didn't even like to cook.”

Like Jamie, I too think of cooking whenever I hear the word hospitality. I admire my friends who love cooking and entertaining, and I'm amazed that they do it so effortlessly. I, on the other hand, have horror stories about my attempts to cook for company. When I compare myself to my friends, I fall so far short that I think, Why even try?

Well, the reason to keep trying is simple. The Bible says, “Practice hospitality” (Romans 12:13). Notice that it doesn’t say, “Practice hospitality if you love to cook” or “if you're a good cook” or “if you have a kitchen with double ovens.” It doesn't even say, “Be good at hospitality.” It says practice it!

Although hospitality is something we do, it comes from a state of being. True hospitality is the inevitable outcome of being “devoted to one another” (Romans 12:9).

One misconception about hospitality is that it always involves cooking and entertaining. It may or it may not. But it always involves loving. Hospitality is something we do for others on behalf of Jesus, and in doing it, we also do it for Jesus (Matthew 25:35–40).

The kind of hospitality the Bible refers to involves being generous with everything we have and sharing it not only with friends and family, but also with strangers. According to Smith's Bible Dictionary, “The good Samaritan stands for all ages as an example of Christian hospitality.”

To practice hospitality, we don't need to host elaborate dinner parties, and we don't need expensive china or a gourmet kitchen; we simply need to share whatever we have with anyone we encounter who has a need.

Over the years, Nancy DeBruyn entertained many people who started out as strangers but ended up as friends. As Nancy knew, when we practice hospitality we make friends not only for ourselves but also for Jesus.

Becoming Honest

2010-08-04T16:47:00.008-04:00

Angela Klinske

"The righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them." (Proverbs 20:7, TNIV)

One day in second grade I had a friend over after school. She brought with her a small package of shiny star stickers—the decals teachers use on merit charts. I really wanted them. So when she wasn’t looking, I hid them under my bed. She left thinking she had lost them. I told her I would bring them to school the next day if I found them.

I never did confess, and long after she moved out of my neighborhood and out of my life I would find random star stickers throughout my room—in the desk drawer, under the bed, in the carpet—constant reminders of the wrong I had done to my friend.

Recently, I’ve been tested again in the areas of honesty and integrity, and it started me thinking: How often do we take from others what isn’t really ours? Whether intentional or not, how much we “steal” from others may be surprising to discover.

What about wasting time at work, taking others for granted, and even taking a few extra packets of ketchup or a stack of 20 napkins at a fast food restaurant? Isn’t that stealing too?

It may be easy to decide we’re not going to rob a bank, but what about taking supplies from the office? Or doing a poor job so that someone else has to spend their time and do it over? Or continually making others wait when we’re running late?

I recently took my children to a local attraction and purchased tickets for a tram ride. The driver told me it would cost $1 for each child, but when I got to the ticket booth I saw price the posted as $2 for children over 12 (my oldest is 13). I could have saved $1 and moved on, but that would have been dishonest. It wasn’t worth a dollar to cheat.

Yesterday, my husband and I were appreciative when the owners of our former home (which we moved from four years ago!) notified us that we had received a check at their address. That small act of honesty meant a lot to us. We know it was inconvenient for them, and we thanked them with a gift card to their neighborhood coffee shop.

Every time we take something that isn’t truly ours, like those shiny little stars scattered around my childhood bedroom, we scatter a little distrust, and our light begins to lose its luster. But every act of honesty makes our lights shine brighter, which, hopefully, will encourage others to follow our example.

Today, I ask God for the wisdom to help me make right choices so that I won’t take what isn’t mine. I’ll also express thankfulness to others who don’t take what is meant for me.

How about you, Reader, do your actions match your words? What are areas in your life where you might be “stealing” from others or from God?

Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, Today’s New International Version®. TNIV®. Copyright© 2001, 2005 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com

Becoming Disciplined: Using Technology as a Tool; Refusing to Let It Rule

2010-07-28T16:44:00.007-04:00

Sarah Merrill

Text. Talk. Tweet. IM. FB. Chat. Watch. Listen. Talk again. More FB. Email. Grab a bite to eat while sitting at the computer. Start again, but this time with the TV on.

Technology permeates my life. It shapes my day-to-day tasks and has, through repetition and habit, even shaped my attitudes and outlook. The mobility and availability of communication tools make news and information from the whole world instantly accessible to me. The result is someone who is quite well informed, but often impatient (particularly when technology fails).

My grandmother had a very different life. Is mine better?

Is it better that I can easily stay in touch with people I love who are far away? (Of course, yes!) Is it better that I don’t spend the majority of my time scrubbing laundry by hand? (Duh, yes!) Is it better that I can look up almost anything I want to know right when I want to know it? (For the most part, yes.)

What about the fact that I tend to stay in touch with people I like but not get to know the people who live on my block? (Probably not so good.) How about the tendency some people have (not me, of course) to ignore people right in front of them (Honey, not right now; Mommy needs to finish this email) to engage with others remotely? (Definitely not good.) Then there’s multitasking—emailing while talking on the phone while fixing my daughter a snack while watching TV. (Clearly not the best. Yet we do it anyway.)

There are other downsides to our modern, plugged-in world. Constant distractions of mobile communication hound us. Entertainment options of variable quality come at us from all sides. All the while, our ability to wait seems to grow shorter and shorter.

But is technology the problem? Does my web connection prohibit me from reaching out to my neighbors? Does my cell phone keep me from having a conversation with those in the same room? Do digital video recorders (DVRs) and Facebook accounts make me waste time? No, no, and no.

The problem isn’t technology; it’s us. We would rather be friends with people we already like than make the effort to befriend strangers. Sometimes we would rather call or send text messages than have an actual heart-to-heart conversation. Watching mindless television is often more appealing than spending an hour in private Bible study. Ouch.

Technology is a tool that makes everything easy. Sure, it’s easier to balance our checkbooks and to send pictures to our mothers. But at the same time, it is easier to procrastinate, easier to ignore those we don’t want to deal with, easier to entertain ourselves, and easier to do it all without even thinking about what we are doing and why.

So should we all unplug ourselves and be done with it? Not necessarily. When the basic problem is our own heart and motivations, the solution involves more than our toys and tools.

The solution is to keep our use of technology in perspective—and under the lordship of Christ. The apostle Paul gave this advice to believers living in Rome:

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. (Romans 12:1–2, THE MESSAGE)

God has put us where we are and has surrounded us with technological tools. It is up to each of us to use them mindfully for His glory and for the good of those He loves.

Do you use technology to shape your world or do you passively let the world use technology to shape you? Do you use technology as a tool or do you let it rule?

Are you becoming disciplined in your use of technology? If so, tell us how you use technology for good.

Becoming Obedient: I can't... I won't... I will...

2010-07-21T19:25:00.007-04:00

Lorie Dewey

“[A]nger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” (James 1:20)

In a recent meeting, someone at the table commented that there are three “stages” to becoming teachable: “I can’t,” “I won’t” and “I will.” That really struck me. I immediately thought about all the “I can’t” and “I won’t” places in my life. The “I will” places were a bit harder to find.

I don’t know about you, but I see all aspects of my life as positioned by God to teach me, mold me, grow me, and lead me into becoming who He wants me to be for Him in this world. So when I come to a situation where I say “I can’t” or “I won’t” that's a place I need to examine. If I’m saying “I can’t” or “I won’t” to God, I am circumventing His good purposes in my life and in the lives of those who need me to say “I will.”

When our family moved to Grand Rapids we were able to hire a moving company. This was an amazing luxury and comfort because I was already working in Grand Rapids and was unable to help Tom manage the move. I returned to Massachusetts the day the movers came. When I arrived, they had already come and gone. I was relieved to find the house completely empty, but shocked to find the garage totally full!

“What happened?” I asked.

Tom replied, “I didn’t want them to take my tools. I thought we could move these in our truck.”

Our very large, two-car garage looked anything but packed, and Tom was consumed in a project of building a platform for the bed of his truck to create storage space for all the stuff we had yet to move. (Tom has a lot of tools.)

This was not part of my plan. I thought I was showing up to do a few hours of house cleaning before heading off to spend time with friends for a last good-bye. Instead, I had three young boys in an empty house with no snacks or toys and hours and hours of work ahead of us.

I called a girlfriend to see if the boys could play at her house while I cleaned and helped Tom. The boys ended up spending the night there, and Tom finished his building project about midnight. I was livid. I walked around the empty house fuming to God, “Lord, why didn’t he just let the movers take his stuff? We will never get this packed before the inspection tomorrow morning! And we have no place to sleep except on the hard floor of this empty house! I’m tired, and we haven’t even eaten! I’m done being patient! I’m going to give him a piece of my mind!”

Truth be told, I knew Tom was as frustrated and discouraged with the situation as I was. The project had taken much longer than he expected. But I was mad and felt my anger was completely justified. Just then (no lie, I couldn’t make this up), I heard the Holy Spirit speak to my spirit, “You know, my son has had a really hard day. He’s tired and frustrated. Would you go comfort him and love him for Me?” What?!? I can’t. I’m too mad, and he should be the one apologizing to me! I won’t. He deserves to know how much of an imposition this has been! “Yes, I understand,” the voice urged, “but will you?”

At that moment I had a choice. I could stay stuck (and miserable) in the “I won’t,” or I could move to the “I will” and be used by God to offer comfort to my tired, weary husband. I was overcome by God’s love for Tom. I went to the garage and gently said, “You’ve had a long day, honey. Let’s go get some dinner, get a hotel room and a good night’s sleep, and come back early in the morning to finish this.”

I truly could not believe the words coming out of my mouth! Tom willingly accepted the comfort. We closed up the garage, had an enjoyable dinner together, found a hotel room and got a good night of sleep, and returned to the house early in the morning to finish the project.

The next day I felt good knowing I had been an agent of love rather than an agent of anger toward my husband. How different the ending would have been if I hadn’t allowed God to move me to the “I will” of His will.

When I get stuck in the “I can’t” or “I won’t” places of life, I recall that experience and try to put my agenda aside and listen. Maybe God wants to teach me obedience and use me to be a blessing in the very place I am being obstinate.

Are there places in your life where you are stuck in “I can’t” or “I won’t”? What are they? Have you poured out your heart to God, telling Him everything you’re thinking and feeling? Have you listened? Maybe He wants to use you and is waiting for you to say “I will.”

Becoming Dependent on God: Finding Identity apart from Work

2010-07-14T19:53:00.009-04:00

Karen DeVries

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone.” (Psalm 62:5)

“I teach Kindergarten, but I used to work for General Electric” is the answer I learned to give to the “What do you do?” question. Being connected to a corporation seemed more intriguing than being a teacher. My GE experience allowed me to tell impressive travel stories and reveal my worldly experience. A few years later I had to resign from my teaching job due to family illnesses. But I still clung to my work-related identity. When asked, “What do you do?” I would answer, “I used to be a Kindergarten teacher.” I still believed people were looking for the job answer.

I was raised to be a working girl with hopes of great achievement. I worked hard to earn high grades so I could get into a good college, get a good job, get promoted, get a house, get a godly husband, go to a good church, raise gifted children, connect with successful people. Go, go, get, get.

The words “Find rest, O my soul, in God alone” (Psalm 62: 5) did not make sense to me until I was absolutely exhausted. I didn't think of “finding rest” as an achievement.

When I had to quit my job, I felt obligated to invest my time in other worthy projects. After years of pursuing one goal and then another, that was the only life I knew. I compared myself to other women and reasoned that it was best to stay busy and keep reaching for goals. That’s what everyone else did. Don't change behavior, just change treadmills.

We fail to realize how intertwined our identity is with our job, our tasks, or what we do for loved ones.

Leaving or losing a job, or facing any situation that involves loss, brings with it the compelling question: “What do I do now?”

There is no answer because God is more interested in who we are than in what we do.

Ultimately, we are daughters of the Creator of the universe. We forget this when we accept that our identity is defined by the tasks we do. We have a Perfect Father who loves us because we are His children. He's not impressed with our busyness or our societal success. He delights in our being.

So who am I without the identity of my job?

For me, finding my true identity means redefining success. Success is not receiving accolades from others for how much I accomplish. Success is finding the specific path that God intends for me and being satisfied with accomplishments that are not visible or measurable. My journey is unique. It is for God to determine, and for me to follow, without comparing myself to others, as Galatians 6:4–5 instructs us.

I still tend to dodge the “What do you do?” question by sharing an interesting story. But I am becoming more comfortable with quietness and stillness. I am seeking to obey God in “being” over “doing.”

Do you find your identity in a job, a relationship, or a set of tasks? Do you measure your value by comparing yourself to others? If so, how does this keep you from becoming the person God designed you to be?

How do you answer the “What do you do?” question? How might you answer it in a way that describes who you are becoming?

We'd love to hear your story.

Becoming Dependent on God: Transformed by Calamity

2010-07-07T15:24:00.015-04:00

Teresa Kay Lasher

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6, 7)

“Hello, this is the doctor’s office. We have the results back from your MRI. As soon as you receive this message, please return the call.” That phone call captured my attention—immediately.

I can still see the MRI scan on the neurosurgeon’s computer screen. A rather large tumor near my optic nerve rested alongside the left temporal lobe. The tumor was likely benign, but still needed attention. The surgeons predicted an eight-hour surgery with a week’s hospital stay.

Conflict raged within me. At times I felt peace, knowing God remained in control. At other times, I wanted to run from my circumstances. My mind ping-ponged from thought to thought: Would I live to see my daughter marry or to read stories to my grandchildren? Then came the realization: I’m going to need help during this process. I have no problem offering to help others when they need it. And I have no problem asking for help when I’m lost, but this would be totally different.

I believed the Scripture that says, “Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me” (Psalm 54:4). But my belief was going to be tested.

Before the surgery date, my husband and I attended a worship service where the pastor spoke about the Old Testament shepherd boy David. David battled an enemy—a real giant named Goliath. But he spoke boldly to the giant: “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty . . . the battle is the LORD’s” (1 Samuel 17:45–47). I knew that I could not allow fear to consume my thoughts and rule my body, mind, and soul. I needed to rely on God. Even as I looked death in the eye, I could say, “The battle is the Lord’s.” Although my giant was not human, it was very real to me. But like David, I did not have to be paralyzed by fear. No matter how overwhelming my circumstances are, God is bigger.

God enlisted an army of people to help me. First there were doctors and nurses and other medical personnel. Then, in the early stages of my recovery, others took over. When I could not feed myself, my husband, Steve, fed me spoonfuls of oatmeal. He patiently scrubbed my bloody, stapled scalp day after day. Our daughter, Amanda, took time off from work to care for me and proved a source of great emotional support. Family and friends across the United States encouraged me and prayed for my healing and peace. One special friend came to sit with me and just be.

While these and others played an integral role in the healing process, only God can heal. And only He could go with me into surgery. Once those surgical doors closed, everyone and everything except God and the meditations of my heart remained outside those solid doors. My standby meditation, from Philippians 4, went with me into surgery. I felt God’s comforting peace replace any fear as I silently prayed, “Here I am Lord—afraid. But I acknowledge You are the Great Physician controlling all the hands involved in this process, and I trust You.”

In Ron Hall and Denver Moore’s true story, Same Kind of Different As Me, Moore writes, “There’s somethin’ I learned when I was homeless: Our limitation is God’s opportunity. When you get all the way to the end of your rope and there ain’t nothin’ you can do, that’s when God takes over.”

Isn’t that the truth?

What “opportunities” has God given to you that are helping you learn about depending on Him?

Becoming a Mentor

2010-06-30T19:22:00.010-04:00

Julie Ackerman Link

“I have someone I want you to meet,” said my friend Patty Doren when I stopped by the visitor center at church. “She's looking for a mentor, and I think it should be you.”

“Me? Why me?” I asked. The thought of becoming a mentor scared me. I knew nothing about how to do it. I had never been formally mentored, so I had no example to follow. Jay and I have no children, so I can't teach younger women to be good mothers. I'm not very domestic, so I can't teach homemaking skills. No one would ever point to me as an example of the “Proverbs 31 woman.”

While I was stockpiling excuses, Patty explained, “She's an intern at Zondervan, and she wants to be an editor.”

Oh, well, that alleviated a bit of my fear. I do know something about editing and publishing.

When I met Debbie, I liked her immediately. She knew what she wanted out of the relationship, and she had reasonable expectations. She was serious about her faith and intentional about listening to God and being obedient. I warned her that I wasn't much of a teacher, and that I couldn't offer her anything formal, but that I would be happy to meet with her and talk about life and work and faith. Even after all my disclaimers, she was willing to take the risk.

We began meeting nearly two years ago, and we're still getting together. We started reading and discussing a book about editing, and then we let the discussion flow to all kinds of subjects—theology, church, relationships, family, work, choices, career—whatever was on our hearts and minds.

Last fall when I was planning a trip to Kenya to teach at a publishing conference, Debbie became my mentor. She had lived in Ethiopia for many years and had graduated from a seminary in Kenya, so she coached me on the African culture and on what type of information I could pass along that would transcend cultural differences.

From time to time, Debbie mentioned friends from church who wanted a mentor, but we had no way of matching them with older women. Eventually we came up with an idea—group mentoring. Debbie invited five of her friends, and I invited five of mine (one being Patty Doren), to begin a Bible study. We chose something short—the book of Ruth—so no one would feel trapped, and we began meeting. Our choice of books, like my initial meeting with Debbie, turned out to be providential. Reading it in these new circumstances, I discovered that the book has something to say about mentoring. It tells the story of an imperfect mentor, Naomi, whom God used in spite of her wavering faith. Mentoring, I realized, isn't about being perfect; it's about being honest. And mentoring is not about being old; it's about women of all ages having a relationship with someone younger.

Are you willing to be honest about life's challenges? Do you want to demonstrate how our loving God leads us safely through times of doubt and disappointment as well as certainty and success? Then you are a good candidate for becoming a mentor. Ask God to show you opportunities, and then make sure your eyes are open to see them.

Becoming Teachable

2010-06-23T17:45:00.003-04:00

Angela Klinske

Older and wiser goes the adage and, hopefully, it’s true. But as the years roll by, do you ever feel as if it's easy to get set in your ways? Whether due to habit, stubbornness or a lack of awareness, we can easily become "wise in our own eyes" (Proverbs 3:7) and to do things based on our own strength and knowledge.

Being set in our ways is dangerous. To start down that path of least resistance—the one where we trudge along in our own strength—can make us tired, burned out and un-teachable.

"It's actually limiting God and not seeing how He uses His other children," says Lisa Barry, a young mom with whom I recently spoke on the subject of being teachable.

She's the first to admit that being teachable is something she’s still learning to do. She describes herself as independent and a skeptic when it comes to accepting someone else's expertise or counsel.

Lisa and her husband, Scott, have four children, two of whom were adopted. One of her adopted children has been diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), a mental health disorder in which a child is unable to form healthy social relationships, particularly with a primary caregiver.

Despite her own diligence, Lisa became aware that traditional parenting techniques were not going to work. She had to seek counsel and learn a new way to parent.

"The Bible has always been my 'how-to' book," she says, but it was a book about RAD that helped her understand what her daughter was going through. Lisa is also learning to trust people—including her own mother, a supportive group of friends, and a therapist—who share their insight and experience.

Today, they see progress as their daughter is learning to bond with the family.

Lisa says she’s learning to be quiet, to be still, to listen, and to trust.

"It’s not relying less on God; it’s allowing the Holy Spirit to help you discern what is (sound) wisdom rather than dismissing all of it . . . otherwise, you’re going to miss a lot of what God’s doing . . . what God is teaching you."

Lisa's story helps me to recognize the many "teachers" God has placed in my life—my husband, my children, my parents and in-laws, as well as colleagues and friends. Even Lisa, whom I’ve spoken with only once, has taught me the importance of being teachable.

I've learned that being teachable isn't always easy, and I don’t always welcome it. Being teachable means setting aside my pride and my own agenda so that I can be open to the things God wants me to learn.

Choosing to be teachable allows us to grow, and it also gives others the opportunity to help us grow. There is always room for improvement.

How about you? Are you ready to grow? If so, you are well on your way to becoming teachable.

Becoming Authentic

2010-06-16T19:00:00.003-04:00

Dawnae Richards

"Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway." —Mother Theresa

My first reaction upon being asked to write about authenticity was to wonder if I could use a pseudonym. Ironic, huh? How could I write about becoming authentic if I did not want to share something as simple as my name?

Authentic: not false or imitation; not copied.

Have you ever wondered why authenticity seems like such a hard concept to live? Why does it seem so much easier to imitate someone else in our dress, speech, actions, and ideas? We’ve all had those twinges of envy: If only I could look like her or be the mom she is; if only I could have the spiritual walk she has. All too quickly we adopt the actions and attitudes of others so that we will fit in, be liked, and feel good about ourselves.

Becoming authentic, however, is more than removing my façade. It is more than letting you see me warts, scars, baggage, and all. It is more than a "That's just the way I am" mentality.

Authenticity is the intersection where fears and reality collide. Authenticity is scary. Not scary like someone jumping out of a closet in the dark, but scary like having to open a closet where I've hidden things I don't want anyone to see. I don't want anyone to see that I struggle with being kind to those who irritate me and being patient with my kids. I don't want people to know that I worry about temporal things, like being comfortable and having to sacrifice.

Before I can be authentic with others, I must be honest with myself and with God. My honesty is not going to surprise God. I have discovered that it is hard—very hard—to fool myself, and that it is impossible to put one over on God. When I am honest with God about who I am and what I struggle with, He opens my ears to hear the Holy Spirit's conviction and encouragement. My openness, vulnerability and transparency allow the Holy Spirit to confront me with the truth that I am not as good as I want to be (Psalm 139:23-24, ESV) and then to transform me with the power of the Gospel into who He wants me to become (Ephesians 1:18-20, ESV).

So what does becoming authentic look like for me? I am realistic about my weaknesses and humble about my strengths. When I relinquish my fear of failure and remove my façade of strength, the Holy Spirit is able to work through me to serve the Church.

Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Who Am I Becoming?

2010-06-09T12:37:00.003-04:00

Lorie Dewey

"And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image" (2 Corinthians 3:18, NLT).

About ten years ago I received a Christmas letter from a dear friend who has mentored me over the years. It was a different kind of Christmas letter. It wasn’t the usual rundown of family activities. No, she wrote about things she was learning in life and about personal challenges she was growing through. At the end of her thoughts, she wrote, "In these holiday letters it is all too common for us to report on what we are busy doing, but I want to know who are you becoming?"

Who was I becoming? I didn’t know how to answer that, and it bothered me. I could easily respond to the doing question, no problem. I was a mom with three little boys; I was "doing" all the time, and I was exhausted! But in the rush of all that activity I wasn’t paying much attention to who I was becoming. As I reflected on my friend’s question, I groped for an answer in my soul and came up with little to offer.

Matthew 16:26 says, "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?" (ESV).

In my heart I knew what my friend was asking; she wanted to know if I was paying attention to the Holy Spirit’s formational work in my life. Whether I was paying attention or not, I was becoming something: I was either becoming more like Christ or I was not. From that day on I’ve paid attention to her question.

A passage from Bob Mulholland’s book Invitation to a Journey indicates that who I am becoming involves…

an increasingly faithful response to the One whose purpose shapes our path, whose grace redeems our detours, whose power liberates us from crippling bondages of the prior journey and whose transforming presence meets us at each turn in the road. In other words, [it’s] a pilgrimage of deepening responsiveness to God’s control of our life and being. (p. 12)

Who are you becoming?

In this summer blog, we are going to be asking that question over and over, applying it to different situations and circumstances we all face in life.

Join us. But don’t just read the words; ask God who He wants you to become and then listen to what you hear.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

M. Robert Mulholland, Jr., Invitation to a Journey: A Roadmap for Spiritual Formation (Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 1993).