Becoming Obedient: I can't... I won't... I will...

Lorie Dewey

“[A]nger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” (James 1:20)

In a recent meeting, someone at the table commented that there are three “stages” to becoming teachable: “I can’t,” “I won’t” and “I will.” That really struck me. I immediately thought about all the “I can’t” and “I won’t” places in my life. The “I will” places were a bit harder to find.

I don’t know about you, but I see all aspects of my life as positioned by God to teach me, mold me, grow me, and lead me into becoming who He wants me to be for Him in this world. So when I come to a situation where I say “I can’t” or “I won’t” that's a place I need to examine. If I’m saying “I can’t” or “I won’t” to God, I am circumventing His good purposes in my life and in the lives of those who need me to say “I will.”

When our family moved to Grand Rapids we were able to hire a moving company. This was an amazing luxury and comfort because I was already working in Grand Rapids and was unable to help Tom manage the move. I returned to Massachusetts the day the movers came. When I arrived, they had already come and gone. I was relieved to find the house completely empty, but shocked to find the garage totally full!

“What happened?” I asked.

Tom replied, “I didn’t want them to take my tools. I thought we could move these in our truck.”

Our very large, two-car garage looked anything but packed, and Tom was consumed in a project of building a platform for the bed of his truck to create storage space for all the stuff we had yet to move. (Tom has a lot of tools.)

This was not part of my plan. I thought I was showing up to do a few hours of house cleaning before heading off to spend time with friends for a last good-bye. Instead, I had three young boys in an empty house with no snacks or toys and hours and hours of work ahead of us.

I called a girlfriend to see if the boys could play at her house while I cleaned and helped Tom. The boys ended up spending the night there, and Tom finished his building project about midnight. I was livid. I walked around the empty house fuming to God, “Lord, why didn’t he just let the movers take his stuff? We will never get this packed before the inspection tomorrow morning! And we have no place to sleep except on the hard floor of this empty house! I’m tired, and we haven’t even eaten! I’m done being patient! I’m going to give him a piece of my mind!”

Truth be told, I knew Tom was as frustrated and discouraged with the situation as I was. The project had taken much longer than he expected. But I was mad and felt my anger was completely justified. Just then (no lie, I couldn’t make this up), I heard the Holy Spirit speak to my spirit, “You know, my son has had a really hard day. He’s tired and frustrated. Would you go comfort him and love him for Me?” What?!? I can’t. I’m too mad, and he should be the one apologizing to me! I won’t. He deserves to know how much of an imposition this has been! “Yes, I understand,” the voice urged, “but will you?”

At that moment I had a choice. I could stay stuck (and miserable) in the “I won’t,” or I could move to the “I will” and be used by God to offer comfort to my tired, weary husband. I was overcome by God’s love for Tom. I went to the garage and gently said, “You’ve had a long day, honey. Let’s go get some dinner, get a hotel room and a good night’s sleep, and come back early in the morning to finish this.”

I truly could not believe the words coming out of my mouth! Tom willingly accepted the comfort. We closed up the garage, had an enjoyable dinner together, found a hotel room and got a good night of sleep, and returned to the house early in the morning to finish the project.

The next day I felt good knowing I had been an agent of love rather than an agent of anger toward my husband. How different the ending would have been if I hadn’t allowed God to move me to the “I will” of His will.

When I get stuck in the “I can’t” or “I won’t” places of life, I recall that experience and try to put my agenda aside and listen. Maybe God wants to teach me obedience and use me to be a blessing in the very place I am being obstinate.

Are there places in your life where you are stuck in “I can’t” or “I won’t”? What are they? Have you poured out your heart to God, telling Him everything you’re thinking and feeling? Have you listened? Maybe He wants to use you and is waiting for you to say “I will.”